The Meaning of Life
Throughout my life I have asked and wondered: what’s the meaning of life? When I was a child I thought it was a kind of smart ass question to ask grownups or other children and then enjoy watching them struggle to come up with an answer or some clever-sounding way to essentially say that no one really knows. Since then I've come up with several of my own answers, each reflecting a different time in my life.
First: there is no meaning. Everything is just a meaningless progression of the laws of physics that deterministically march us from one moment to the next, taking us each from the womb to the grave, until we are nothing but a forgotten moment or memory in time as the universe continues onward without us. This is where excessive studying of physics, math, and science in high school will take you. And many of us have at least momentarily traveled the path of angsty, nihilistic hopelessness that results. I was very depressed by this answer, bordering on suicidal, but a slight change in perspective flipped this idea inside out and perhaps even saved my life.
My second answer to this question was more of a feeling than an actual answer: everything is One. My belief in causality, physics, and determinism made me realize just how interconnected every atom and tiny bit of this infinitely expansive universe really was. Every movement of your body sends waves and ripples outward through the air and electric fields that surround us. The vibration of every word we speak echoes through the air and solid matter, reaching all the way around the planet - albeit in such a faint and low energy manner that it will never be heard over the echoes and noise of everything else. The butterfly that flaps its wings on one side of the world can change the course of storms on the other side, thousands of miles away. Gravity, which emanates from all things, means that our bodies pull on every other body and every other atom of existence, even outward into the most distant reaches of space. Think of this if you ever feel distant from someone. Feel their body pulling on yours and yours on theirs from however far away they might be. Feel the atoms bouncing off your body and know that those vibrations are rippling their way around the planet to bounce off theirs as well. Nothing is as unifying as the laws of physics, the infinite chain of causality. That idea which at first appeared soul-crushing eventually provided me with comfort, solace, and a connection to all things.
Buddhists call this concept "dependent arising". They have looked deeply into this matter and determined that everything comes from something else. Nothing is created or destroyed. Everything we think of as being separate or having an individual existence is actually just part of the same uniform substance of the universe, taking momentary form before changing into something else. When a rock is ground into sand, who can say when the rock stopped existing and when the sand began? The apple we eat becomes part of us. Does the apple still exist when its nutrients have been absorbed into cells in every part of your body? Did the apple ever really exist, or was it just a transformation of water, air and other nutrients into that temporary form? Was it really just part of the tree? Was the tree just a different form of the apple seed? What was the seed before it was a seed? And so on. We can follow this line through history, back to the time before our planet was ejected from the sun, back to when our sun was just part of the early gas and plasma of the universe, back to the moment when all the matter and energy that we know was packed into the tiniest infinity of the Big Bang. All of us were in there. Everything that ever was and ever will be. And in that light, it’s amazing that any of us ever feel alone.
I'm spending more time on this way of thinking than I intended, but it is important. When you think about the chain of events that brought you to this moment, that made you who you are, each of us have been on an amazing journey. And we are each just one moment in a long chain of events that will continue into the infinite future. Even if you just imagine your family: your parents, their parents, your great great grandparents, and so on, it's amazing to think of all the moments in each person's life that brought two people together to have a child. How many seemingly tiny and insignificant moments changed the course of your family tree and of history? How many people turned left instead of right and altered the future of humanity forever? This way of thinking brings meaning to each moment. It makes even the tiniest most insignificant thing important and consequential. Every man and every woman is a star, both literally and figuratively. Literally, in that everything on this planet was billions of years ago part of the sun, and figuratively because we are each on our paths through this universe, following the pull of gravity, electromagnetism, and whatever other forces might be out there.
As mind blowing and comforting as these celestial thoughts might be, they don't really answer the question originally posed. The themes of unity and connectedness are stepping stones on the path to answering that question. They are important in that you can never really know or understand yourself unless you acknowledge your place in the universe and your deep connection and unity to all things. Without this, you will only view yourself as an individual and miss out on the truly infinite, wondrous, mysterious beauty of which we are made and in which we will always exist. But even seeing this, we haven't really answered the questions of why we are here, what it all means, and what should we really be doing with our lives? We haven't answered other questions that might seem important such as: is there a God? Who created this universe? Why?
For these reasons my next answer (third, if you’re counting) to all of these great questions is that we may never know such answers. Whatever creator might have created us didn't leave behind very clear answers or an instruction manual for life. We can't even figure out what religion or god to believe in, and we have spent millennia debating, fighting and even killing and over our different beliefs. At this point many people embrace the philosophy of absurdism, acknowledging that we may never have answers to these questions but that we have to continue on without them and live our lives anyway. We'll do whatever it is we decide to do (or perhaps are destined to do) whether we have these answers or not, so what is the point in even asking the question? At this point in my life, I thought frequently of the Myth of Sisyphus, his unending and seemingly meaningless task of rolling the boulder up the hill, and Camus's great insight that the secret to being happy is to imagine Sisyphus smiling.
More recently I've settled upon yet another answer to life's great question. As before, it's just a small change in my way of thinking about the problem that transforms everything. This time the answer seems so obvious, so relevant, and so firm and unshakable in its foundations and conclusions, that I wonder why it's not more commonly known or discussed. Actually, it might be that we all truly do know this answer and express it every day, in every moment. We just don't know how to put it into words so that when that obnoxious child asks us about the meaning of life, we have an answer ready. The answer is: we make our own meaning. Actually, I've been using that as my answer for the past 10 years at least, but only recently do I feel like I'm beginning to understand the depths and importance of that answer. Whatever God might have created this universe didn't leave behind any instructions, proof of his/her existence (at least not as an entity distinct from existence itself), or clarity around their intentions for us or the way we should live our lives. Surely, a God that has the power to create this universe has the ability to manifest themself in every moment, every world, and every individual life to make these things perfectly clearly - if they so desired. So why doesn’t this happen? Perhaps giving us these answers or a guidebook to life would defeat the whole purpose of our lives. Maybe the quintessential reason for all existence, for every moment, every individual, and every choice we make is to find and define ourselves, and in so doing to find our own meaning for existence.
For comedic sake, let's imagine what many fear: that the world is just a simulation created by some kind of computer programmer. Perhaps this programmer is himself (or herself) lost in existential uncertainty and angst and desperately seeking answers to the great questions of life. What if he were to create a computer program that simulated an entire universe? He could simulate individual atoms and molecules, programming the laws of physics into the simulation and watching it evolve, hoping the molecules would organize into organisms, hoping those organisms would become self-aware, that they might start asking themselves about the meaning of their existence. Perhaps he is eagerly watching to see if any of the answers that rise up out of the beings in the simulation could provide an answer that would satisfy him as well. It is of course impossible to prove that we don't live in some such kind of simulation. The size and power of such a simulation are unfathomable, but then again, so is the size and power of our own universe. Anything is possible. So perhaps the reason we don’t have answers to our great questions is because they really aren’t known. We are still searching for them. And God, the programmer, is also searching for those same answers through us.
Let's come back from such fantastic wonderings and ask ourselves a question that strikes to the core of the present discussion: would it matter if life was just a simulation in a computer program? Or along different lines: would it matter if the universe was created by a God for a specific purpose or not? Would it matter if your entire life were pre-planned and pre-destined or if you had free will? Would it matter if extraterrestrials existed or if humanity is alone in the infinite cosmos? Until recently, I would have answered yes. Yes! YES! Those questions are essential for understanding our universe. The answer to any one of them could dramatically change the way we think about ourselves and how we view our place in the universe. These changes would impact our understandings of ourselves in very fundamental and all-pervading ways. But I’m starting to believe that answers to those seemingly important questions might not be as important as I used to think. Regardless of whether my life is pre-determined or pre-planned by someone else, it at least appears to me that I have choices to make. I still need to decide each day when I’m going to get up, what I’m going to do, what I’m going to have for lunch, and how I’m going to think about this thing called life. Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if we find intelligent life on other planets and have to reconcile our religious and philosophical beliefs with that. Maybe we would end up in an intergalactic war. Maybe our extraterrestrial neighbors will instead usher in an amazing era of peace and technology. In either case, I will still have to decide each day and in each situation how I’m going to act, what choices I will make, and who I’m going to be. Life will still be a play in which I am left to decide for myself what it means to be me and who it is that I truly am.
The question of determinism and predestination versus choice and free will is one that has bothered me for many years. But what would really happen if you believed all your actions were inevitable and that free will was just an illusion? Would you think life less worth living? Maybe you'd be depressed. Maybe suicidal. But if you decided to soldier on with your life and live it anyway, you would eventually realize that even if choice and free will are only illusions they are still an inevitable part of who we are. You won't be able to avoid making choices and decisions. You'll just have to do the best you can. And who will tell you what is "best?" Well, you're on your own for that one too. Other people can tell you what they think. They can even tell you what they think God thinks. But ultimately it will be up to you whether you believe them or whether you will instead find your own answers to these questions and your own beliefs. Actually, I don't think any of us can do anything other than come up with our own beliefs. We each experience this existence in different ways. We have different thoughts, different histories, different biases and different perspectives, different ways of looking at things even when we are all looking at the same thing. Your actions and beliefs will be influenced and filtered through your own individual perspective. And ultimately, you will make decisions that express and manifest these beliefs and your own individual identity. There is no escaping this final certainly: you are who you are and you will act and express yourself accordingly. It is as true for human beings as it is for the insects, the amoebas, or for the stars, the planets, and the galaxies. The difference between a human, an insect, an amoeba, or a stellar object, is the amount thinking, choice, information, reflection, creativity and self expression that goes into each decision, each action, and each life. While some might argue the life of a human is more important in the grand scheme of things than an insect or amoeba, who is really to say? And even if it was or if it wasn't, would it really matter? Would it change anything?
As a human being, you will continue to experience your world through the perception of the senses, to filter these perceptions into thoughts, to make decisions and actions in each moment, and express yourself through these actions. This will define who you are. This will be your life and your part in the great play. This is the inescapable reality of our existence: no matter what is true or real, no matter what exists or doesn't, no matter where we came from, why, or where we are going, we will continue to process our environment, make decisions, and live our lives to the best we can. And we will realize that it is entirely up to us to decide what "the best we can" means. Who are we? What is our purpose? Those are questions we answer with every action and every moment of our lives. If we die and some kind of soul or spirit lives on, it will do the same - perhaps in a new environment with a new perspective, different information, or a different reality altogether - but how can we ever do anything except be who we are? And the interesting thing about life is that we find out who we are by living this life and defining ourselves by the actions we make, the intentions and beliefs behind those actions, and fundamentally our own belief, idea, or determination of who we are.
At the present moment of my life I would answer the question about the meaning of life by saying: the purpose of life is to find out who you are and express yourself. Actually, I'd modify that sentiment a little more by saying the purpose of life is to find out who we are by expressing ourselves. Some people might not think they know who they are. Some people might not think they know how to express who they are. But life is a constant expression of who we are. This is true whether we think about it or ask ourselves the question at all. By living our lives and observing ourselves, by experiencing life, we find out who we are. There's a very good chance this is the whole purpose of life anyway, but even if it's not, we will express and manifest ourselves as if it is. I don't think we have any ability to do anything else. Everything that exists is in the process of expressing itself and defining itself by the nature of its own existence. This is true for the amoeba, the insect, and the human being. The interesting thing about humans is that we have the ability to ask ourselves these types of questions, to think about them and discuss them, to grow from each other and even grow collectively as a single human organism. For as discussed earlier we are connected.
It is impossible for us to comprehend the infinite size and potential of the universe, but we know enough to realize we are a part of it, connected to it like one big, living organism. I suspect this oneness and unity of everything, this infinite existence that we are but a part of, is in fact God. We are all God. We at this moment as individuals are but tiny parts of God's (or if you prefer the Universe's or Ishvara's) self expression. Many religions believe that we are created in God's image or that the microcosm of the individual mirrors the macrocosm of existence. In that view, our search for meaning and self expression parallels the same search and expression of God and the universe. If you want to know God, know yourself. If you want to know yourself, simply observe yourself. In every moment, every action, every decision, you are defining and expressing yourself. This is the deeper meaning we reveal in answering the question "who are we?" with the deceptively simple answer "we are ourselves."
Amusingly, this answer that I have labored so hard to find in my life seems simple and self-evident once found. This understanding that we define ourselves by our actions and that in this find meaning, is hardly a secret. It is the perpetual subject and theme of each of our lives. We are each trying to find out who we are. Every action and every thought is an answer to this question. It is both who we are and who we aspire to be. Just as artists dig deep inside to find and express themselves and by extension the entire world, each of us is defining and expressing ourselves in every moment. We do this whether we think about it or not. We are all artists. We are all philosophers. We are all poets. And the great poem, the great symphony, the great philosophy, the great art we are compelled by our own inescapable nature to create is ourselves.
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